What DMX Said...

Trust is a double-edged sword and unfortunately, both sides are sharp enough to decapitate you! This could be the very reason it’s so easy to lose but so difficult to regain. In fact, I think that regaining trust is a falsity. Though I’ve forgiven people and accepted their reconciliation I’ve never been able to fully trust them again. So is there such a thing as half trust? or limited trust? Because if partial trust is a myth then there is not a soul on this earth that I trust 100 %. So is that the goal? It can’t be. Trust is defined by Google as “ firm belief in the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something,” Firm is not absolute, and though I'm not a woman of science most of my core understanding is based on actualities rather than deferred realities. DMX said it best “Always trust everyone to be themselves but trust in the fact that you can see them well.” It honestly takes too much energy to not trust someone and subconsciously I'm experiencing burnout. I’ve said I trust people and thought I meant it until forced into a situation where I'd have to prove it. I wouldn't put my life on the line for you, bet my last dollar that you’d come through, or place my heart in your hands without a bulletproof vest surrounding it. My trust in people being themselves is the reason I’m leery about seeing who those truths reveal. They say a relationship without trust is not a relationship at all so have I merely been experiencing surface-level connections. Because I've trusted in the fact that I can see people so well, I've seen it all and a majority of it is UNTRUSTWORTHY! Let’s face it, by definition, everyone is just making shit up as they go and expecting everyone else to cherish their opinions as valid. Unbeknownst to them their opinions, much like my trust, is shit -- down the fucking dump! The difficulty in my lack of trust is not how it affects other people but how it affects me-- that damn double-edged sword. I often question whether it's the ways of the world or mere personal experience that has placed me at the center of the controversial blade. Have the people I've encountered created a stigma of doubt for those who I've yet to meet or a valid doubt in their inability to be trusted?